Trauma, Validation, and Exploitation: The Fertile Soil Where Infiltration Grows
If you want to control someone, give them what they want more than anything.
On Monday we explored the dynamics of toxic leadership and why people remain loyal to groups and leaders even after betrayal. We identified key psychological forces like social identity, fear of isolation, and the sunk cost fallacy. That’s all fine and good, but we need to ask “why” again. Here’s what the question path looks like so far.
Why do people stay in activism groups with toxic, narcissistic, or compromised leaders?
Because of social identity, sunk cost fallacy, and their fear of isolation.
Why are certain people susceptible to these things in the first place? (And who are those certain people?)
Many people don’t join groups just for a cause or a mission; they join to feel like they matter. When we introduce trauma into the equation—such as past rejection, abuse, or other experiences that damage self-worth—the need for belonging and validation becomes amplified. And this is where things get dangerous.
The Wound: How Trauma Shapes Perception of Worth
Emotional trauma leaves scars that can profoundly affect how individuals perceive themselves and their value. Whether it stems from rejection, abuse, abandonment, or years of being told they’re “not enough,” trauma can erode self-worth. In the absence of healthy validation, people seek it externally. Groups, causes, and leaders offer an appealing solution:
A sense of belonging.
Recognition for contributions.
A purpose that makes them feel significant.
When someone’s identity feels incomplete or fragile, they’re more likely to latch onto anything that fills the void. It’s not just about the cause—it’s about what the cause represents for them personally. Being part of a group comes with acceptance, validation, and even a “family” of sorts. For someone lacking in those things, it’s exactly what they needed. Why do you think the same tactics get used in infiltrations over and over? Because they work.
Walking away isn’t just leaving a group; it’s giving up the one thing that makes them feel like they matter.
Example: Consider Sid, the high-profile leader we introduced on Monday. His members weren’t just loyal to him because of the group’s mission. They stayed because Sid offered them something more: validation and a sense of being part of something important. For members who had struggled with rejection or a lack of belonging in their personal lives, Sid’s approval felt like a lifeline. Even as his misdeeds became clear, many clung to him—not out of loyalty to Sid himself, but because he represented their worth.
Why Infiltrators Find This Dynamic Such a Fertile Ground
The interplay between emotional trauma and manipulative leadership creates an environment ripe for exploitation by infiltrators. Groups led by toxic leaders or populated by emotionally vulnerable members become disorganized, distrustful, and easily manipulated—a perfect storm for anyone seeking to sabotage the cause from within.
Emotional Dependence Masks Red Flags: Members seeking validation from a leader are less likely to question their decisions, even when those decisions seem counterproductive or harmful. Infiltrators can sow discord without detection.
Fear of Speaking Out: Toxic group dynamics discourage dissent through groupthink. Members who might suspect infiltration are often too fearful of backlash to voice their concerns.
Fragmentation of Focus: When a group’s energy is consumed by internal power struggles or loyalty tests, its ability to identify external threats diminishes. Infiltrators exploit this distraction to undermine operations.
Leaders Seeking Validation Can Be Compromised: A leader desperate for affirmation is often more willing to accept praise and support from questionable sources, making them easy targets for manipulation or blackmail by infiltrators.
Understanding this dynamic is critical for anyone trying to safeguard their group. Emotional wounds don’t just make members vulnerable; they weaken the entire structure, leaving it open to internal and external threats.
Why Trauma Makes People Stay
When someone’s sense of self-worth is tied to their role in a group, leaving becomes almost impossible.
Validation Becomes Addictive: The leader’s praise or recognition feels like proof of worth. Losing it would mean facing the void of self-doubt.
Fear of Rejection: Trauma survivors often fear rejection more than anything. Leaving a group means risking ostracism, both from the group and their social network.
Cognitive Dissonance: Admitting the leader is flawed or the group is toxic feels like admitting they were wrong. For someone whose identity is tied to the group, this can feel like a personal failure. In essence, it ‘proves’ every negative thing the member may already be thinking about themselves.
Empathy for the Wounded
For those observing these dynamics from the outside, it can be tempting to dismiss members of toxic groups as “brainwashed” or “stupid.” But the reality is far more complex. Trauma doesn’t make someone weak—it makes them human. The need for validation, belonging, and purpose is universal. What separates those who fall into toxic groups from those who don’t often comes down to one thing: emotional health.
I’ve been in those toxic groups. I’ve seen them, chased approval in them, and ultimately found the courage to walk away and rebuild. I learned that my worth wasn’t defined by any other human (or cause) on earth—and neither is yours.
What Comes Next
Understanding these dynamics is the first step. But there’s another piece to this puzzle: how emotional resilience can protect you from manipulation and ensure you’re drawn to healthy, functional groups—which, by the way, are the hardest to infiltrate. In the next article, we’ll explore practical strategies for:
Strengthening your self-worth.
Recognizing manipulation tactics.
Building and joining groups that prioritize accountability and healthy identity.
A healthy group doesn’t just survive—it thrives, because its members are strong, self-aware, and united by trust instead of fear. That leads to stronger vetting—and safer operations.