Motivation Part 2: Steering Conduct
How to use someone's needs to elicit behavior
In the last issue we talked about how motivation works, and how it informs our decision making. Hopefully by now you’ve done the mental work to determine what your own manifestation is, and how you chase your need for validation. This isn’t some New Age foofoo; understanding what drives you means being able to see when someone is trying to leverage that need against you. That makes you both a little safer, and a little more free.
Before we get into the defensive applications, let’s talk steering.
Giving folks what they want
The process of steering behavior in your group is simple in theory:
Understand what they need.
Give it to them.
The trick is engineering the situation so that you’re giving them what they want as a reward of sorts for them doing what you needed them to do. In a way, it’s a transaction. Let’s take a look at it in action with the folks we talked about last time: John, Nina, and Frank.
John: Money
As we talked about, John manifests his need for validation by seeking out money because to him, money = his worth as a human.
How can you motivate John? If you said, “give him money,” you’d be correct, but there’s a better way. Go deeper; John sees his financial stability as proof (and the cause) of his validity, so dig into that. Find ways to link his financial success to your cause. If he can get what he needs from you or your group—validation of his success and therefore worth as a human—then he will help you because there will be emotional “buy-in.”
If you cannot give him what he needs, don’t ask him for something that will ‘take away from’ his success (such as making a dent in his bank account). He will push back and you’ll damage rapport.
Nina: Vanity
You might remember that Nina manifests her need for validation by ensuring she is always ‘beautiful’ and/or what she sees as desirable. This might even go as far as seeking attention from males in the group—regardless of their marital status.
How can you motivate Nina? You might be thinking that rather than motivate her, you want her out of your group because she’s going to cause problems. You’d be correct; Nina’s quite possibly going to cause issues. However, while I would argue she should have very little access to critical information (and we’ll talk about why in a future issue), she can still be an asset to the group in a very specific type of way: as a social engineer.
Nina’s need for attention can be fed by using her weakness as a strength. Like it or not, beautiful women can do things, get into places, and get information that men have a much harder time with. Instead of trying to figure out ways to tamp down the vanity, go the other way and find places she can use it.
Frank: Bravado
Frank was our loud and proud guy, the one who likes to tell everyone how brave he is and will be in a conflict—but he’s doing it because the thought that someone may think he is afraid or a coward is just something he can’t deal with. Frank is a bit harder to motivate, because in order to do so, you may be creating more of a ‘monster,’ so to speak.
Where can you use Frank’s bravado? Not many places, unfortunately. In this case you would redirect him to areas where he is truly knowledgeable but isn’t directly involved in things where his bravado or his mouth can get him in trouble and harm the group.
Bottom line, you need him out of the spotlight, and out of any position that can endanger your other members.
Maybe his forte is disaster prep. Maybe it’s food storage. Maybe he’s got the greenest thumb of anyone in the group and can train folks on how to raise their own food. Maybe he’s an amazing reloader or has another specialized skill. Whatever his thing is, find it, and get him tasked on it.
Because he needs to believe that people around him see him as a brave/valuable man, you can use his other skills to come at that need another way.
Make sure to mention his expertise. Don’t get overly gushy or flattering, but state that he has skills that are needed.
Be specific about what you’re trying to accomplish and how he is the best person to do that.
Ask for his buy-in, and for specific things he thinks he can do to help accomplish the goal.
What if he doesn’t really have another skill? You have two options at this point: Teach him one, or get rid of him.
When someone’s contribution to the group goals is eclipsed by their weakness and/or needs, they’re no longer an asset.
This is an incredibly unpopular thing to say because of what it means for leaders, but it’s pretty cut and dry. If you’re spending more time dealing with the problems they create than their skills and contributions, then you have dead weight. When you reach this point, you have a problem that needs dealing with. In fact, you have a problem before that.
Wrapping It All Up
If you’ve been following along with each issue, then you’re already aware of the need to do some inventory. How are your group members chasing validation? How about your leadership? Are you able to think of ways to motivate the people you’re working with? Your cause can only be helped by learning how to steer your group members to stronger, better, more efficient work.
In the next issue, we’ll talk defense. How do you keep someone from leveraging you and your group’s needs against you? Subscribe now and find out!
Each of these issues is merely scratching the surface of the knowledge and tactics possible. Contact me at 2alpha6@protonmail.com if you’d like to explore complete training options.
Image by Capri23auto from Pixabay