Low-Key Leverage: 5 Phrases That Mean You're Being Manipulated...in a Bad Way
Recognize the language that seeks to control you.
We’ve been getting into the nitty-gritty of language, and how it affects power dynamics in an activism group (and any other kind of human relationship you have). Today we’re looking at specific phrases that should trip your spidey sense, because they are absolutely, without question, phrases that signal manipulation.
Manipulation itself, you might remember, is neutral; intent is what makes it good or evil. Not all manipulation shows up as overt control or threats. The most dangerous forms are often the most subtle—hidden in everyday phrases that sound innocent and even helpful. But if you listen closely, you'll hear what they're actually communicating: hierarchy, control, and social positioning. Here are five commonly used phrases that often carry a hidden agenda—and what they mean.
1. “I’ll let you…”
Example: “I’ll let you take that up with him.”
This phrase sounds like someone is being generous, or even hands-off in a particular situation. What they’re actually saying, however, is that they have gatekeeping power or authority. It is them positioning themselves as someone who you need permission from in order to act. In short, the translation is, “I’m in charge in this social dynamic, but I’m pretending to be chill about it.”
The best part is that in most cases, they don’t actually have any of the power they’re projecting, and it may not be a malicious or even conscious thing. What makes someone project power they don’t have? Insecurity, for one. If they can even subtly position themselves as higher than you, or in control of the situation, they can feel a little safer.
How to Deal With It: Call the bluff—gently. Reframe the statement without the hierarchy: “Okay, I’ll reach out directly.” You’re not asking for permission. You’re just proceeding. If the person pushes back, ask them to clarify their actual role in the situation. This forces them to either drop the act or reveal the power structure they’re trying to subtly enforce. If you want to add a bit of salt, simply don’t respond at all. That sends the message that you don’t recognize their authority and don’t see them as worth communicating with on the topic going forward. Be careful using this one, because it can also cause deeper insecurity in them—and unless you’re being unethical or just plain rude, you’re probably trying to avoid that.
2. “I’m just trying to help.”
Example: "I’m just trying to help, but you’re making it really difficult."
This uses the “but” concept from the last article. This one’s a classic for deflection and guilt-tripping. When someone says this after being called out for crossing a boundary, they’re not actually focused on helping—they’re focused on absolving themselves of responsibility. It weaponizes intent against impact, insisting that because they didn’t mean harm, you shouldn’t feel harmed.
In group settings, it’s also a way to maintain a moral high ground while subtly discrediting someone else’s perspective. It makes the other person look reactive or petty, while the speaker wraps themselves in the appearance of altruism. Watch for it especially in conflict resolution discussions.
3. "If you were serious, you’d..."
Example: "If you were serious about the cause, you'd be willing to show up every weekend."
It’s the political activism version of “If you loved me, you’d…” and it’s gross. Other variations include things like “If you REALLY believed in freedom” or my personal favorite, “If you were a REAL patriot, you’d do X.”
This phrase assigns value and legitimacy based on conformity to someone else’s standards. It creates a binary: committed or not, serious or flaky, loyal or selfish. It’s a pressure tactic that forces compliance by implying your worth or dedication is up for judgment. It’s especially manipulative in activist spaces, where people often overextend themselves out of fear of being seen by others as not committed enough.
4. "People are saying..."
Example: "I mean, I don’t have a problem with it, but people are saying you’re kind of hard to work with."
This is triangulation. Instead of owning their own opinion or critique, they outsource it to unnamed others. It’s vague, unverifiable, and often a smokescreen for personal discomfort. It’s also a power play—it isolates the person being criticized and keeps the speaker in a position of neutrality while still delivering a hit.
By claiming to be the messenger and not the source, the speaker sidesteps accountability. They get to stir the pot without ever appearing confrontational, and they can position themselves as an ‘ally’ when they most definitely aren’t. This tactic is also excellent for social control—once you believe there’s an anonymous group scrutinizing you, your behavior often shifts accordingly.
5. "You’re overreacting."
Example: "Wow, you’re really overreacting to a simple question."
This is gaslighting 101. It dismisses emotional responses, reframes them as irrational, and demands emotional self-abandonment to maintain the peace. In groups, this shuts down legitimate feedback and ensures only the dominant emotional tone (usually dictated by those in power) is allowed.
This phrase doesn’t just invalidate the individual—it serves as a warning to others about what emotions are acceptable in that group. It’s often used by those who want to avoid accountability and reassert control over a conversation without directly addressing the underlying issue.
When we allow ourselves to be manipulated by phrases like this, we allow a culture of low-level manipulation to flourish—and that erodes trust from the inside out. It’s not about word-policing or perfection, it’s about intention and impact. Listen not just to what is said, but what is being positioned. And when you hear these phrases, ask: What’s the power play underneath this? Because in any relationship—especially political ones—language is rarely neutral.