Building Strength and Resilience to Protect Yourself and Your Group
Your group is a lot harder to leverage if its members are emotionally healthy.
In the previous two articles, we explored the dynamics that make people susceptible to toxic leadership and manipulation. We examined how personal wounds, a need for validation, and fear of rejection can bind people to groups or leaders who don’t have their best interests in mind. We also looked at how toxic leaders exploit these vulnerabilities and why infiltrators thrive in such environments.
The final installment in this series focuses on solutions: how to build mental toughness, sharpen your awareness, and strengthen your independence to protect yourself and your group. By becoming harder to manipulate, you can avoid the traps of toxic loyalty and exploitation—and help build a group that’s nearly impossible to fracture.
Why Resilience Matters
Resilience is what keeps you standing when everything’s pushing you to fall. It’s the ability to face challenges head-on, recover quickly, and maintain control over your decisions. In short, resilience is about staying sharp, focused, and in command of yourself no matter the situation. It’s not optional—it’s a requirement if you want to be effective in activism.
Without resilience, you’re vulnerable. Here’s what happens:
You follow the crowd, even when you know it’s headed off a cliff.
You let others take control, opening the door to manipulation.
You sacrifice your own judgment, leading to burnout and misplaced loyalty.
Resilience isn’t just about self-preservation. It’s about being the kind of person your group can count on when things go sideways. And here’s the kicker: when every member of your group is building this kind of mental toughness, your entire group becomes a lot harder to infiltrate or manipulate.
How to Build Mental Toughness
1. Know Your Weak Points
Everyone has blind spots. The key is to identify them before someone else does and uses them against you. Past experiences, mistakes, or failures can leave marks that shape how you act. An emotionally healthy person owns their weaknesses and works to minimize their influence.
Review Your History: Think about where you’ve been taken advantage of, or made decisions you regretted. What patterns do you see?
Seek Objective Feedback: Ask trusted allies to tell you what they see as your weak spots—the things you might miss.
Fix the Cracks: Whether it’s learning new skills or addressing old baggage, patch the vulnerabilities that cause you to be vulnerable. Specifically, address any past rejections or trauma.
Find Your Validation Source: This is perhaps the most important one. What makes you feel like you matter?
Think Like an Infiltrator: If you were going to leverage someone like you, how would you do it? Brutal honesty is required here.
2. Spot Manipulation Tactics
Manipulators thrive on confusion and emotional leverage. Learn to recognize their moves so you can shut them down before they gain ground.
Flattery with Strings: Beware of people who heap praise on you, only to ask for something in return. You probably already know what this looks like; it often feels like guilt if you hold to your boundaries.
Denying Reality: If someone constantly tells you your concerns aren’t real, they’re trying to make you doubt yourself.
Creating Dependence: Watch out for leaders who isolate you from other opinions or make it seem like you can’t function without them.
The more you recognize these tactics, the less power they have over you.
4. Set Boundaries Like a Fortress
Someone without boundaries is someone without control. If you don’t set limits on what you’re willing to do or tolerate, you’re a prime target for manipulation.
Know Your Line: Decide in advance what you will and won’t do for the group. Stick to it.
Say No When Necessary: If something feels off or goes against your principles, don’t hesitate to push back.
Cut the Cord if Needed: Sometimes, leaving is the strongest move you can make. Don’t be afraid to walk away if the group or leader doesn’t align with your values. If you’ve already done the mental work to figure out your validation engine, you can prevent a spiral of feeling like you’ve somehow failed if you need to leave.
5. Build a Strong Network
Surround yourself with people you trust—and I mean people who you know extremely well, where you know their buttons and they know yours. A strong network keeps you grounded and helps you see through manipulation.
Choose Allies Wisely: Align with people who have also done their own mental work.
Maintain Independence: Stay connected to people outside your group to avoid isolation.
Exchange Tough Love: Real friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
What a Healthy Group Looks Like
Not every group is a snake pit. Some are built on mutual respect, clear purpose, and accountability. Here’s what to look for:
Leaders Who Answer Questions: They don’t hide behind secrecy or shut down criticism.
Mission Over Ego: The group’s goals take precedence over any individual’s ambitions.
Mutual Respect: Members support each other without overstepping boundaries.
Clear Accountability: Financials, decisions, and responsibilities are transparent.
The Takeaway
A strong group is made up of strong individuals who know who they are, what they stand for, and where they draw the line. By building mental toughness and surrounding yourself with people you trust, you can avoid falling into the traps of manipulation and toxic loyalty.
If you’ve been burned by bad groups or leaders, you’re not alone. If you ignore the internal prep work, however, you might find yourself alone holding the bag.
